"Pilate saith unto him, What is truth? And when he had said this, he went out again..."

Location: Tampa, FL, United States

Friday, September 16, 2005

Location, Location, Location... and Subsidy

Several years ago Dubious Home Builders, Inc. began construction on upscale wood frame homes at the bottom of Niagra Falls. The homes, starting at $1.5 million, are costly by most standards, owing much of the expense to the gold-plated furnishings, marble countertops and appreciable numbers of tubes of silicon caulk used to seal cracks. To date, none have sold. Real Estate experts believe the difficulty in getting in and out of the homes when Class V rapids are pummeling them may be what's discouraging prospective home buyers. Offers of a free bicycle with every new home purchase has done nothing to spark interest. Thus far, all 80,000 homes have had to be rebuilt on average every ten days due to extensive water damage. Local businesses, also at the base of the falls, have complained of insufficient pedestrian traffic to justify remaining open.

"No one ever shops here," said Ray Nagin, owner of a surf shop in the exclusive neighborhood. "We need federal subsidies to make this work, and we need the money now."

When asked about the wisdom in rebuiling a community in an area fraught with risk, Governor Blanco remarked, "Niagra Falls has a rich, long history in America. We must rebuild, and we need all Americans doing their fair share. To suggest Niagra Fallians assume fiscal responsibility for its community is ignorant, unconstiutional and based in intolerance."

President Bush, speaking from a raft in front of one of the homes, said today, "As we clear away the debris from water-logged homes, let us also clear away the legacy of inequality. It's important that government quickly fix the region's infrastructure to give Fallians hope. There is no way to imagine America without a rebuilt Niagra Falls, and this great city will rise again."

According to my calculations, we're looking at needing $5 billion every other day to rebuild the great floating city under Niagra. But this is America. We always rebuild. If we don't have the money we'll just print more. Print. Print. Print. We love to print.

"In order to save America, we must bankrupt it first." - Me


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